1.4.18

Taking time out


Easter, with it's promise of new beginnings, seems as good as any time to resurface after a long break. I needed to take a lot of time out and have been mostly off my social media; things have been one worry after another, and just as Joe and I  thought we were in a safe harbour at last, something happened and it basically sent me over the edge. I've always been a resilient person and tried to cope with whatever life has thrown at me - and it has thrown a  lot of things. But the last few years have been a constant struggle and opened up older cracks that I thought were mended. The 'thing that happened' was simply the last straw and I retreated so deeply into myself that I could barely talk or move. Thankfully Joe was able to get me an emergency appointment with my doctor and by the time I had stumbled into his surgery, I was ready - at last - to tell him how bad things were with me, how I had tried to get through things on my own and a lot of my life story too. I was in surgery with him for some time. He was excellent and let me burble. And then  said that everyone, no matter how strong, has a breaking point and I had just reached mine. After that, I agreed to medication, to help re-balance things and for the first couple of weeks after, I simply rested. Since then, I have been gradually rebuilding myself and trying to get things done that need to be done if we are to stay in this rackety cottage. I'm feeling a lot better and although the situation hasn't changed, my anxiety has subsided greatly, so I feel better able to pick myself up again and start over for what seems like the hundredth time in my life.


I haven't been sure whether to simply end this blog, as it seemed to be going nowhere; my life is not the same as when I started writing it back in 2005 and since Andy died, I am a different person. I'm not actually sure who I am, but I think I'll keep it going; it could be a little different at times, but everything changes and that's probably a good thing.

19 comments:

Karren said...

Happy Easter to you, and it's good to know you got some help and are on your way to feeling better. We miss you when you're gone. I do hope you continue with an occasional posting. I do check daily for anything new.

Happy rebirth of Spring to you and I hope you find some joy to build this new version of your self on.

Granny Sue said...

I am glad you came back to let us know what's been going on. I miss your writing, Gretel, and keeping up with you and Joe and your "rackety little cottage." I understand how one can get to that breaking point; it's a terrible and lonely place. Good for Joe and you to recognize the need for help. You are on a new path, again, and I will pray that this one has smoother going and a soft landing at the end. Sending love and hugs to you both.

Mac n' Janet said...

Glad you decided to keep it going. Hoping the best for you and Joe

Elizabeth@ Pine Cones and Acorns said...

Happy Easter! Happy Spring and happy April, the time for rebirth. Thank you for sharing your story and your struggle. I have you on my prayer list and hope that with or without the medication that you find peace. Looking forward to seeing more of your posts.

You are right, you are not the same person as in 2005 and neither is the world. Make this space about whatever you want and we will keep reading.

MM said...

I am so sorry for your despair. You have such wonderful talents and bring happiness to everyone who sees your creations.

Shrimpton and Perfect said...

Sending you some love and comfort through the airways. Life is so busy and fraught nowadays, we all need to step back sometimes. I'm glsd you're feeling better though. Keep up with the blog Gretel, you have friends in blog world.

Jean
xxx

Wood Fairy said...

I'm a recent joiner, blogging is such a good way to connect with like minded people and to put your thoughts down and express yourself, I hope you continue.

Val Reaves said...

Taking time out is necessary... I so enjoy your blog and to see the wonderful creations you are working on. Please know that I send a gentle hug and thoughts and prayers across the miles for your recovery... Life is not easy at times, but take it slow, one foot in front of the other and be good to yourself.
Val in Idaho USA

Yarrow said...

Hang in there Gretel. I'm not at all surprised that you reached a breaking point, we all have one but they're all at differing points to each other. I've changed so much since I first started blogging and you were one of my first blog friends. Oakmoon has gone now, along with the person I was, but I like to think I'm a better version now.
I hope you don't stop blogging, but it's a personal journey that you choose to share, or not. Big hugs to you.xxx

Wendy said...

I would so miss you and your blog.

I have been following you for years and sometimes your struggles have mirrored my own and it always helps to know there are other out ‘there’ fighting the fight. I too reached breaking point a year ago, and went and got help from my doctor who let me talk and cry and listened when that’s what was needed.

Your capacity to continue when everything seems so bleak, your amazing work and your writings always cheer me up. I hope you continue to write and post your art, because I love it and would miss it. But I also know how much work it is, and understand if you can no longer give it the time it needs.

I think you just need to know that the people who follow you, like me, care about you and what happens in your life. Take care of yourself, rest and reflect.

Penny said...

I am sorry you have had a rotten time but don't give up blogging. I don't often comment but I do enjoy your blog.

frayed at the edge said...

It's good to have you back - I have missed you!! I am sorry that you have had such an awful time, but I am glad that you have finally sought, and been given, professional help. Sometimes we just have to admit that we can't manage on our own. Do take care of yourself - you are a very special person!
Anne xx

BumbleVee said...

Hey Gretel... ditto to much of what has been said already in the comments...

I know you have been struggling for what seems ages... and, it has been... but, perhaps now, you can work with a bit less anxiety towards some new goals or fun things for you and Joe, together.

I kind of fell off the blog thing too with all the crap we have been going through with our renovations and then, our water damage and then, struggling to re-do all our hard work... I just felt like giving up really and leaving the house to whatever fate would befall it... we even talked about uprooting and just leaving town. Heading for Portugal and starting over. But, honestly? ... a person just has to put one foot in front of the other and keep trying to move forward I suppose. Feels like we are quicksand or some major quagmire some days.

We all look forward to seeing more of your lovely and quirky artsy stuff.... and, even that brings back memories of you being so kind and caring ...sending me info and bits and pieces to help me complete my copycat goose... you are a special person Gretel.. and, don't you damn well forget that my girl.

Sending Big hugs,
Vee xxxxx

Lin said...

What Vee said....

You are not alone...in struggles...in anxiety...in stepping away...getting help...coming back.... In the end, all I can offer is that you are not ALONE. We care for you and are here to support you in any way that we can.

Don't give up and certainly, don't go away! All of us truly wish the very best for you, dear blog friend.

Twiglet said...

I have only just read this Gretel - blogging doesn't do much for me these days and I only have time to post occasionally and it's not of great interest. Now, your blog has always been different - so many people love to see your beautiful artwork and a quick look at your blog always brightens my day. I am so sorry you have been struggling, but life has been very unkind to you on so many levels. It is hard to keep the positives uppermost in your mind when anxiety and sadness are dragging you down. Thankfully you have had the courage to seek help. I hope it is the catalyst that helps you make that leap into the future with a spring in your step. You deserve good health, happiness and lots of fun. Take care. Best wishes. Jo

Vicki Elish said...

Oh, Gretel, so very sorry for this upset in your life but so very happy to hear that you got help for the anxiety. I have a past with depression...the deep, clinical kind but with getting to the root of the problem, haven't had a repeat episode and have been depression free since 1996! So there is usually hope for our emotional disorders if we will allow ourselves to get the help. I hope you will keep your blog even if you post sporadically. I do love popping in and seeing what you are up to and creating. You are so very talented. Hope you feel better and successfully make your way through the latest of life's many bumps in the road.

Teresa Tudor said...

Gretel,
I'm so glad you're posting again! I've followed your blog since the beginning. I simply adore your work and think that you are so incredibly gifted! I hope and pray that you feel better every day! Looking forward to your next post!

the veg artist said...

Gretel, I'm so sorry you've been through yet more. I have followed your blog for a long time, and would be sorry to see it end, but taking care of yourself must come first. Know that many of us are thinking of you. Linda

Marianne said...

Dearest Gretel,
Sometimes the journey gets dark beyond imagining, and the lightships in our lives are often the hand that reaches out and says let me help. Joe was wonderful to see your need and help you find it in your doctor. And your doctor's kindness and listening ear helped you through this huge burden. I'm glad you let out all that you've been carrying. It's never easy to do, but am glad that you have found support. You've spent too many years carrying a heavy load, not only for yourself, but for your beloved Andy. We change through the years, and we often are not who we started out being. Don't fight that. Accept the who you were, and the who you are now, and that there maybe changed you's out in the future. For the moment, just be you as you are. Make no apology. Things change, people change...the blog can change too. It is whatever you want it to be. Love Joe, keep creating, love yourself. Gentle hugs. M